Unattached Reason - S.U.M.O

Being myself is difficult sometimes. When you get torn apart in the various dimensions of your life you tend to run away. Should I throw all that I worked for and run to where I think comfort is or Should I keep fighting. Age brings with us a weariness. I never used to understand the many non risk taking managers I had. Now I do. Perhaps I just think the rockstar lyric in me has never stopped ringing. It keeps me going.

So should I stop, find a safe haven today and abandon the road that I have taken! To be precise, I have been with the same IT organization for the last 10 years. It was my first job. Many of my friends see it as remarkable and many see it as a stupid ploy. Well I see their dreams and aspirations in their judgments. That may be one reason why their views have never intimidated me.

At a difficult point in my life with a second kid coming with its own measure of hope, there is also a certain agony that we have to go through until we get to the point where we can smile. As for my career, there are question marks - should I answer them or leave them unanswered and break into the Andersons and Deloittes of the world. Conventional wisdom drives me to seek newer fresher strokes of life. What do I do???

And then I left this question to marinate for a while and the kid has come. My mind is clearer. I cannot lose my signature over a couple of adverse strokes. It is only a couple of days back I felt like my career is taking a back seat. I maybe run down in the future ( A concern that has been ringing in my ears in the recent past) . So what do I work for!? motivation? , money? or fame?. My people (friends, foes alike) may have their own opinions and judgements. I can only say I work for none. As long as I am myself and keep doing what I do it does not matter where I work..... So it is middleground today, I dont work for anyone, I work for me and the place does not matter. For all eager readers this is a dead end and what would you expect of a talkative chatterbox :-))

So a new setup would not overwhlem me and the existing would throw the same challenge that I had the other day. But life in its own way has different solutions to the same questions at distinct instances of time. We can let our hair down and run away with our tails between the legs. I may do the same someday, but the fear of failure that haunts me today is not stopping me from wanting to become better. All I can say is, " I aint quitting fighting the tools/people/systems that will restrain my imagination or will" wherever I am. Tears mean letting out the anguish, we need to cry and Ranting a situation to someone close takes away anger. Once anguish and anger are taken out of a situation, all that is left is reason. That is what I am left with "un attached reason" and I am happy. I am ready to S.U.M.O (Shut up and Move On)