Life gets too complicated at times. Even when you get lucky, even when you make lemonade out of all the lemons that it gives you. A loser's tale is always easy to handle, A winner's abundance is sometimes a liability. New found friends, a family at peace despite the odd times and living in my parents house which is no less than livin in a shack cramming all the stuff we all own - It is like my life is perfect despite the little difficulties, but the other side flips too fast. Professional success attracts attention, sometimes way overdue.
I want to stop but nobody listens. That results in sleeplessness, cos there is too much hope I give than I can really satisfy. And this is where the struggle lies, perhaps I have been on this road before. I have fought with the thought and I have moved on. Like life gives you lemons, it also gives you pears(I thought of coining peaches for my expression but sounded too peachy) and suddenly you realize that making lemonade was easier than eating all the pears.
It is a growth pain. There are only 3 possibilities - get flattered, squeeze out the phase and bloat up your head; or Get to the new opportunity alienating your present or just say stop, you need time to breathe and settle down. I donno if everyone sees life in distinct questions and multiple choice answers. I guess it is the nerdy brain and self gloated einsteinic engineering pride. In the end, it is not a difficult choice, for you are never going to comeback and change it but only wonder what if you could have.
I only see that I cant turn in the grave for something I lost at work. My heart is somewhere higher than these tiny little options. I need to move on. If I need to slowdown, I would cos it is not anyone else's watch for me, it is always mine. Will I wonder, will I not!!! I dont know but I am not the one who keeps pondering. I will choose a pear before I close my eyes again. I am not an insomniac anyway.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Losing Shame
The notion of self-doubt is sometimes a barrier so difficult to break. I was just thinking about the last time I lost myself is self doubt. Perhaps years ago when there were less troubles I probably had enough room for empty thought. That was probably the time when I always ruminated in remorse. Though the remorse remains, I have come to believe in losing shame. This perhaps is the most cryptic of my blogs so far.
But this is what life means to me. We meet so many people each day. There are personal struggles, professional ones that keep popping each day. There is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. The only best thing that we can do is show up each day with the gloves up until life knocks you down. You put the guard down once and it knocks you down faster.
Lowly feelings are supposed to be part of a human spectrum of sentiment. The art of recuperating from such abysmal moments is simple though, in my opinion. Back in India we are brought up with our feet on ground. Most people I have met from India and the east are more subdued in emotion. Humility and simplicity are considered greater ideals in our place. The pit fall though is there is a thin line between self deprecation and humility.
Humility comes from within and self deprecation comes from a critical environment. The first person whom you need to be answerable is you. Humility comes from keeping that thought in equilibrium.
To make my thought simpler, When something goes wrong if there is more self realisation than shame it helps. Losing shame is the key. Easier said than done these are the grey strokes of every personality. Hom much shame can you take? How much truth can you handle? You dont have to shout over the roof debriefing your errors to the whole wide world. The moment you accept the fact without putting yourself down in your own thoughts you lost the shame and handled the truth. Because when you accept your mistake, you improve. But the negativity of anger takes reason away and all you are left with is shame because you cared more about what criticism you may attract than your own inner repentance.
The closer we get to see things in black and white, we accept mistakes and we get closer to peace. The more shame in deeds, more turmoil. These are the grey feelings. When we get closure on shame, we tend to succeed better.
But this is what life means to me. We meet so many people each day. There are personal struggles, professional ones that keep popping each day. There is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. The only best thing that we can do is show up each day with the gloves up until life knocks you down. You put the guard down once and it knocks you down faster.
Lowly feelings are supposed to be part of a human spectrum of sentiment. The art of recuperating from such abysmal moments is simple though, in my opinion. Back in India we are brought up with our feet on ground. Most people I have met from India and the east are more subdued in emotion. Humility and simplicity are considered greater ideals in our place. The pit fall though is there is a thin line between self deprecation and humility.
Humility comes from within and self deprecation comes from a critical environment. The first person whom you need to be answerable is you. Humility comes from keeping that thought in equilibrium.
To make my thought simpler, When something goes wrong if there is more self realisation than shame it helps. Losing shame is the key. Easier said than done these are the grey strokes of every personality. Hom much shame can you take? How much truth can you handle? You dont have to shout over the roof debriefing your errors to the whole wide world. The moment you accept the fact without putting yourself down in your own thoughts you lost the shame and handled the truth. Because when you accept your mistake, you improve. But the negativity of anger takes reason away and all you are left with is shame because you cared more about what criticism you may attract than your own inner repentance.
The closer we get to see things in black and white, we accept mistakes and we get closer to peace. The more shame in deeds, more turmoil. These are the grey feelings. When we get closure on shame, we tend to succeed better.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Be yourself
In as much life can provide us, some people get lucky and some people get the raw deal. In a pessimistic way we all see that we got on the wrong side of Lady luck at some point in our lives. So if everyone gets unlucky then who is the lucky one. A question that we can all ponder about. We get vibes like "In the wrong place", "Bad timing", "Why me?" and sometimes these get topped by "Why me GOD?". These follow deep dives into moments of self deprecation even though this struggle lies within ourselves.
As you get older these taunts get faster and thicker and it takes a while to exorcise the ghosts of ill luck. The only thing we can do is stop take this hippo time on a timeout. Bouts of silence and introspection are required. But they dont have to turn us into a recluse. These thoughts should happen in the ounces of loneliness you get when you walk to the car to join your guys for a fun time or for the matter any in between times. Taking time out to rue on what's happening weighs us down rather than stacking up the morale.
The best thing that we can do is smile and be brave. Acknowledge the fact that you can lose, be foolish and become a laughing stock at times. The pursuit of happiness can become a elusive obsession for people who think that they are flawless and always deserve the best. I realize that how important it is to press on and face each day with a smile.
Life is beautiful. If we stop living for tomorrows for better or for worse we get to live one extra happy moment. How the world sees us and greets us keeps changing, but nobody can compromise your will except yourself. Just be yourself.
As you get older these taunts get faster and thicker and it takes a while to exorcise the ghosts of ill luck. The only thing we can do is stop take this hippo time on a timeout. Bouts of silence and introspection are required. But they dont have to turn us into a recluse. These thoughts should happen in the ounces of loneliness you get when you walk to the car to join your guys for a fun time or for the matter any in between times. Taking time out to rue on what's happening weighs us down rather than stacking up the morale.
The best thing that we can do is smile and be brave. Acknowledge the fact that you can lose, be foolish and become a laughing stock at times. The pursuit of happiness can become a elusive obsession for people who think that they are flawless and always deserve the best. I realize that how important it is to press on and face each day with a smile.
Life is beautiful. If we stop living for tomorrows for better or for worse we get to live one extra happy moment. How the world sees us and greets us keeps changing, but nobody can compromise your will except yourself. Just be yourself.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
All Sport, No Games
What counts as success?
This is a simple but deep question that keeps coming back in all of our lives. I was seriously hoping to get a job that will get me to a 5 digit salary by the time I was 10 years experienced. The expectation of youth 10 years since has changed dramatically. If such material milestones of success get shortchanged by the shifts in the wider world, what does success mean to us.
To me success is a measure on contentedness on th job and off it too. I am happy to step out of my routine to speak to myself through this blog, which is fulfilling. In my own way I am the force of thought, that inspires some people. In a way I see that as success.
In a world filled with people, no amount of material could buy out hostile sentiment. This acrimony stems from our desire to succeed and play the one-up game with the minnow that we consistently beat. It wont hurt you to teach the other guy how to win. It is so sad that we talk about games in sport and sensationalize sledging (shame of our cricket generation). True success will come when all games becomes sport. I know these are borrowed words from a movie. But they are deep and profound words of wisdom.
As long as you know that you command your respect and keep commitment to inspire, your legacy grows. That for me counts as success more than anything else. Winning at all costs is a cheap shot at success though from different eyes they might mean otherwise. But, you might end up with stains from the bloodbath which leaves sour taste after sweet success.
To sum it up, success is a true measure of how much you can rise above the games. It is about all sport, no games.
This is a simple but deep question that keeps coming back in all of our lives. I was seriously hoping to get a job that will get me to a 5 digit salary by the time I was 10 years experienced. The expectation of youth 10 years since has changed dramatically. If such material milestones of success get shortchanged by the shifts in the wider world, what does success mean to us.
To me success is a measure on contentedness on th job and off it too. I am happy to step out of my routine to speak to myself through this blog, which is fulfilling. In my own way I am the force of thought, that inspires some people. In a way I see that as success.
In a world filled with people, no amount of material could buy out hostile sentiment. This acrimony stems from our desire to succeed and play the one-up game with the minnow that we consistently beat. It wont hurt you to teach the other guy how to win. It is so sad that we talk about games in sport and sensationalize sledging (shame of our cricket generation). True success will come when all games becomes sport. I know these are borrowed words from a movie. But they are deep and profound words of wisdom.
As long as you know that you command your respect and keep commitment to inspire, your legacy grows. That for me counts as success more than anything else. Winning at all costs is a cheap shot at success though from different eyes they might mean otherwise. But, you might end up with stains from the bloodbath which leaves sour taste after sweet success.
To sum it up, success is a true measure of how much you can rise above the games. It is about all sport, no games.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Renaissance is Dead?
The times are a changing. This afternoon, I had lunch with my colleagues and we were talking about literature in general and our respective provincial literature too. Maybe I am not a great authority of provincial literature of Tamil. What do you expect from a guy who escaped tough literature course for French Language from the sixth grade. The topic leaned on traditional literature and its continuity. My friend who was Maharashtrian was proud of thriving, inspirational writing in Marathi.
Perhaps it exists in every language. For people who have got educated in the british way like me, it is not something we really cared about. I have read translated work of Sivasankari, Tagore and original literature from Vikram Seth, R.K. Narayan, Shashi Deshpande, Anita Nair and the likes, besides many other foreign writers. So the question is whether in a Global context, is our regional identity getting superceded by modernism. Is writing in regional language a deacying art? Why would we have to live on translated work?
Literature has always had an aura until the late part of 20th century. With IT monopolizing the mind space at leisure and at work for most of us youtube and blogspot have become spaces of human expression. It is the mark of a step change in civilization. This is not the end for literature. The power of writing and the process of getting inspired to reading cannot be replaced by keeping soft copies of videos of great speeches. The process of internalizing writing is different.
Now that I have ruled out the obsolesence of Literature, let us comeback to regionalism and vernacular importance. I have put these in two trains carefully - vernacular focus and regionalism. This is due to the fact that a novel can reflect region and culture immaterial of the language of its production. Our consumption pattern of art might have changed. Language is the vehicle of expression. Culture and civilization are far more deep in the esoteric sense. The reflection of the times and the satire of current state of affairs will always be recorded. The diminished importance of language is a concern for the purists and lovers of language. The vernacular beauty of civilization is getting lost. This is a real, valid and imminent concern.
Being the optimist, I am happy with enlightenment and inspiration happening in the flavor of the underlying regional culture. Swami, Malgudi days and five point someone are glowing examples of our subcultures written in foreign language. Hence as sad as the degeneration of language can be, there will be efforts by purists that will flash the brilliance and keep this fading light. The english writing of local culture is a thing that is going to stay. It is a fallout of our own convent education embracing system. Why rile over that when we sit on heaps of benefit that we reap from the legacy.
Art exists in expression. No matter what vehicle it takes, as long as it inspires, it works. When we rant on this topic, It is like telling renaissance is dead. Cool oxymoron!! Sorry for the little digression. Picasso cannot be born again, so is the case with Tagore or RK Narayan. We cannot discount their works. No matter what their vehicle of expression was. Hence renaissance is about reinventing social structures that appreciate art. This is a consistent metamorphosis. Hence renaissance is cyclical and will never be dead. The possibility of more english writing than vernacular is an imminent reality. But it is not an alarming trend as long as the curse of tower of Babel does not return.
Perhaps it exists in every language. For people who have got educated in the british way like me, it is not something we really cared about. I have read translated work of Sivasankari, Tagore and original literature from Vikram Seth, R.K. Narayan, Shashi Deshpande, Anita Nair and the likes, besides many other foreign writers. So the question is whether in a Global context, is our regional identity getting superceded by modernism. Is writing in regional language a deacying art? Why would we have to live on translated work?
Literature has always had an aura until the late part of 20th century. With IT monopolizing the mind space at leisure and at work for most of us youtube and blogspot have become spaces of human expression. It is the mark of a step change in civilization. This is not the end for literature. The power of writing and the process of getting inspired to reading cannot be replaced by keeping soft copies of videos of great speeches. The process of internalizing writing is different.
Now that I have ruled out the obsolesence of Literature, let us comeback to regionalism and vernacular importance. I have put these in two trains carefully - vernacular focus and regionalism. This is due to the fact that a novel can reflect region and culture immaterial of the language of its production. Our consumption pattern of art might have changed. Language is the vehicle of expression. Culture and civilization are far more deep in the esoteric sense. The reflection of the times and the satire of current state of affairs will always be recorded. The diminished importance of language is a concern for the purists and lovers of language. The vernacular beauty of civilization is getting lost. This is a real, valid and imminent concern.
Being the optimist, I am happy with enlightenment and inspiration happening in the flavor of the underlying regional culture. Swami, Malgudi days and five point someone are glowing examples of our subcultures written in foreign language. Hence as sad as the degeneration of language can be, there will be efforts by purists that will flash the brilliance and keep this fading light. The english writing of local culture is a thing that is going to stay. It is a fallout of our own convent education embracing system. Why rile over that when we sit on heaps of benefit that we reap from the legacy.
Art exists in expression. No matter what vehicle it takes, as long as it inspires, it works. When we rant on this topic, It is like telling renaissance is dead. Cool oxymoron!! Sorry for the little digression. Picasso cannot be born again, so is the case with Tagore or RK Narayan. We cannot discount their works. No matter what their vehicle of expression was. Hence renaissance is about reinventing social structures that appreciate art. This is a consistent metamorphosis. Hence renaissance is cyclical and will never be dead. The possibility of more english writing than vernacular is an imminent reality. But it is not an alarming trend as long as the curse of tower of Babel does not return.
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